Getting Naked Again

Starred review from October 13, 2008
Known for her psychologically perceptive relationship books, Sills (Excess Baggage
) turns her attention to dating for women of a certain age, particularly those recently out of long marriages. The author advises older women how to get back “out there” and how to contend with the anxiety that can ensue after a long period of celibacy. While Sills addresses the ugly truths that older women have to work harder than men to find eligible partners, she argues that courtship, companionship and sex are all available, especially if women remain “open to a wide variety of partners who are not necessarily prospects for love. They are practice, stimulation, and possibly even pleasant company.” Sills's clinical psychology background comes to the fore when she dissects the scenario of a suddenly single woman who has been used to socializing with a group of couples but now may be perceived as a threat by other women, or an opportunity by the men, suggesting behavioral strategies for keeping boundaries clear. Sills also addresses transitional relationships, the heartbreak of rejection or of premature attachment to a new partner and includes welcome male perspectives.

January 15, 2009
Courting again as an over-50 retread raises psychosocial and sometimes physical challenges. Sills ("Biting the Apple: Women Getting Wise About Love") focuses on the psychosocial for both women and men readers. Internally, one must permit a change in identity, from attached and not looking to alone and looking. Externally, one must play a no-longer-familiar game again but now with different rules. Clinical psychologist Sills has logged 35 years of interpersonal insight, and it shows in warm and witty advice that's simultaneously protective and permissive. Also, she talked to 100 newly dating singles aged 50 to 80, and her quotations from the field are apt and memorable. Sills is a superb writer and a real pleasure to read. The only drawback is the lack of a resource section. For example, she gives no information about aging and sexuality regarding biology or techniques. That's fineother books dobut she should suggest some, like Robert Butler and Myrna Lewis's classic, "The New Love and Sex After 60", which all public libraries should have. Sills's book is recommended for public libraries.Martha Cornog, Philadelphia

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